Ranting Face
by Monkey and Cookee
Summary: AU. Ed rants about horror movies as Roy takes them on a date to, yup, a horror movie. Isn't that a great idea? RoyxEd -M.


**Monkey: Hello ^^ This is my first time writing for the pairing RoyxEd :D **

**I own nothing!**

**And actually, I _love_ horror movies, but it was just too much fun to poke fun at them and I thought, hey, who better to do it than Ed? x3**

**So I wrote this while Cookee and I were working on a physics project... We got nothing done that day xD**

**Hope you guys like it**

**Oh and the boys are teenagers, their ages aren't canon to the show.**

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Horror movies are a joke. All they really are is just a bunch of clichéd plots with bad actors and they're about an hour and a half of life wasted, just seeing fake blood and stupid screaming girls that instead of running or doing something useful, stare at the guy/girl/thing trying to kill them.

The so-called "best horror moves" are just full of gore and they're _pointless_! Every victim in the movie loses a ton of blood or a body part or two and for what? No one lives in the end except the bad guy which leads to the viewers realizing we just wasted our money because obviously whatever issue this horror movie had won't get resolved until the sequel. It's even worse when they make _so many_ movies in the series that not even the fans can tell you how many there are!

It's ridiculous! The first movie has the same ending as the third, fifth and ninth and whatever else there is!

And _no one_ even tries to fight back in the movies, especially the first one! It's almost like they think that by staring/screaming/running away, whatever or whoever is after them will die/disappear/wait until the sequel to come back.

Come on!

"Ed, you have that ranting face on again," Roy commented, bringing the blonde out of his thoughts.

Ed glared. "I do _not_ have a ranting face."

"Sure you do," Roy pointed at his face. "It looks just like that."

The blonde was sporting slanted eyebrows, a dark frown, and it didn't even stop at his face, his body said he was in rant mode too. He was tapping his foot up and down with his arms crossed, his fingers impatiently drumming on his upper arm.

"Shut up. At least I don't have an ugly face." Maybe it was all the ranting, but that was the best comeback Ed could come up with at the moment.

Roy gave a smirk. "Really now? Then why are you dating me if I have an ugly face?"

Ed's right eye twitched, yeah, he should've seen that one coming miles away. "Easy. Because you're paying," he replied.

"Am I? What if I told you I only have enough for myself?"

Ed gave a grin. "Then you're a cheap date and I'd tell you we're through."

They stepped up to the counter, Ed looking victorious for once and Roy shaking his head.

"Two tickets for The Other Side of the Door, please." Roy asked the now blushing teen girl behind the counter who couldn't have been over sixteen. Hey, if he played his cards right, he could even get in for free… and maybe claim Ed was his younger brother.

…

Nah, they couldn't look any more different.

Unless…

"T-that'll be $18.50." The girl stuttered out, avoiding looking at the raven in the eyes.

Roy took out his wallet, pulled out a twenty and gave it to her.

"Now you have a _disappointed _face," Ed pointed out in revenge.

Roy looked at the girl. "Can you please tell him he has a ranting face?"

"I do _not_ have a ranting face!" the blonde exclaimed, successfully getting the attention of all the surrounding people also going to the movies.

"If you don't have a ranting face, then I'm not hot," Roy shot, crossing his arms over his chest and staring down at the blonde, knowing he hated it when that happened.

"You're not hot you narcissistic asshole!" Ed stomped up to the counter and slammed his hands down on it, looking at the now scared girl. "Tell him he has an ugly face!"

Roy rolled his eyes. "You're _dating_—"

"Shut up! I still don't know what possessed me to say yes!" His cheeks flushed and he looked anywhere but at the raven.

"Simple. You were charmed by me. Who wouldn't be? I'm devilishly handsome and I—"

"Ugh!" Ed threw his arms up and gave Roy a disbelieving look before looking back at the girl. "Do you _see_ what I put up with?"

"Hey! You two teenagers in the front causing a ruckus! Take your lover's spat somewhere else, some of us have movies to see!" Some guy yelled from the back of the line.

Roy and Ed teamed up and glared death and hell at the poor sucker who spoke, making his eyes go wide and he hightailed it out of there, lest he die young.

The raven looked back at the girl and kindly took the tickets and change from her shaking hand and flashed her a smile. "Sorry for the trouble."

He looked down at Ed who narrowed his eyes.

They began walking away towards their theater.

Where was he?

Oh right.

So then the stupid girls usually found in horror movies are completely useless and the guys, ugh, the guys are worse.

Good God, they were pathetic. They either run away screaming or try to kill the thing/person/whatever after them with a stick or something. Seriously? If it were that easy, there'd be no point to the movie whatsoever. Not that there was in the first place, but still.

Ed knew that if he were placed in the position of the victims in the horror movie he would probably be scared, yeah, but he would plan how to kill whatever wanted to kill him, not sit around screaming and becoming easy prey for the killer to pick off one by one. And if the horror movie included something supernatural that can't be killed, Ed would still try to find a way to do it. He would prove the other victims wrong if he had to.

"Ed, if you get scared, you can always hold onto me," Roy told him, a smirk teasing his lips.

Ed couldn't keep his eye from twitching. "Bastard."

So if he hated horror movies so much, why were they going to see one? Because Roy said that Ed always made this face that he liked so much whenever he saw a horror movie. So far, he'd only made fun of his so-called ranting face.

What an ass.

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**Monkey: Anyone get the ending? Well I hope you guys liked it, and if not, then thank you for your time :)**

**Byebye!**


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